My husband is dying

I'm Miranda. A mother of two beautiful children who are turning 1 & 2 this month, and a wife to a mtf trans women beginning her transition. This will be my outlet to share the adventure.

My wife, Alyssa, came out to me just over a month ago. If you're wondering "wow, it's so soon, why is she already referring to him as she/her and Alyssa?".

That's a good question with a simple answer. Because she's a woman. No matter how early she is in her transition she will at least be who she is from me.

When Alyssa came out I can't say I was completely surprised although still shocked. There had been issues in our marriage that had a recurrent theme so I thought it would be this or that she was gay. But I always knew there was something big being hidden. She was able to immediately see a therapist who gave her an official diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria. And I was 100% rooting her on to be who she is. It was never a question of whether I would stay.

Today was the first day of hormones. And it has all hit me hard. This is real and it feels like my husband is dying. The man I was so attracted to that I hung around the tattoo shop where he worked for 6 HOURS to wait for him to finally ask me out. The man that I envisioned being a father to our daughter and son. Have father daughter days. Rolling around in the mud (or whatever boys do) with our son. Possibly adding one more child in a year or two that will never be born now because the hormones will sterilize her.

That's the hardest part. Knowing we will never have another child. Knowing this sexy man is going to be gone and become a woman while I only have pictures to remember the man I married. No more sex where I can feel him. My husband is dying. But my wife will be reborn through him. I fell in love with the person inside and this will definitely be a "deeper than the outside" love.